Teratai-Hancur

Your mood brings you down and I know it's unavoidable. But your heart sings loud, and that's cause it's undestroyable. You're fucked up, you're stressed out, feeling like you're not enough. You're jaded, words wasted, convinced you'll never love. You stare blankly, with your back against your walls, Impatient for her words that reassure your fall. You tell yourself, learn to hate yourself, that these smiles are just an act. Pouring yourself into others, to find that happiness you lack.

The pieces that you give so selflessly to others, Leave etches in your heart and you can't take another. Forced smiles on your face as people turn to you, Unaware of your struggle or the pain you suffer through. You're selfless and you give with no expectations in return, Yet I see it in your eyes, there is a happiness you yearn. The months we spent apart only made me feel more strongly, That I should have been here sooner to hold your hand more firmly. I'll never understand you or the motions that you take, You're a mystery to me with the choices that you make. I know my words have little effect, so please bare with me, But I want to understand your pain, so please help me see.

Are those words or emotions that you hold under, A life undone, unraveled whilst torn asunder. The dim light taunting you, of better times and bitter memories. Reaching your hand above the water for anyone to see. The sadness dripping from the etches in your heart, Only to stumble and fall before you could even start. Pain emptying your gaze as you stare blankly ahead, Will you let me shoulder your burden in your stead? A crack in the mask made apparent, and put on display. Backed into a corner you find comfort in sleep during the day. You've lost your footing and your life's sense of rhythm, Afraid to wake up, so you drift to your escapism. I found comfort knowing my words could reassure you, That my voice was heard and helped you pull through. Perhaps I can't empathise with you completely, But I hope you understand my words and that you see me.

I've found the reason to the root of my issues, The masks I wear is cracking and frozen from the misuse. I get inside my own head and tear myself from within, Paranoia and insecurity coil around my heart strings. What is it that makes me struggle the way that I do? How is that I'm tormented by emotions I barely knew? I'm afraid to be alone, staring down the monsters in the shadows. When there's no one by me that's when I'm brought down to my full low. Please save me from myself and the contempt that he holds, Staring into my own reflection tortured in these walls. How is it to live when you sleep just to not be awake? What more is there from myself that I can take? My thoughts are harsh on me and remind me of my value, Unable to confide in myself, unable to follow through. Keep your heart on a leash and away from the others, You're a fool who's unworthy and not worth a lover.

Your heart starts to flutter as your eyes widen brightly, Keepsakes held close as you say my name lightly. Is this sincere or should I question my own indifference? As our paths entwine with your gentle persistence. Desperately changing myself to the man I want to be, In an attempt to be proud of the image that they see. Do you see me for me in the wreckage of regrets, Scratching digits into the counter of resets. Countless mistakes pile up reminding me of my errors, Scraping my heart to get out like the demons and the terrors. And yet I want to smile, I want to laugh, no matter the stakes. So I'll break myself to pieces, if that is what it takes. As the pieces begin to collapse and fragment all around me, Shards scatter and whisper, urging me to suffer silently. I hope you'll be patient and hold me close when I shatter, Because right now there's few things in this world to me that truly matter.

They say you think too much, that you're insecure, That makes you bleed as such, when you think of her. Do you miss the pain, that you once used to hide? Do you crave the love, that you once would provide? Mishaps and misbeats, your heart's been led astray, Are there any words now that would make you stay? You're at a loss with no purpose or drive, Grasping for a reason, at the end of this life. I hold you close hoping it will be enough, Barely standing you beg me for my love. Your tears soak my shoulder, your grief in my heart. My words aren't enough, I freeze up as you fall apart.

See through walls and empty reflections, We built these walls on half built deceptions. Are we satisfied with the choices that we've made, Or do we regret as I reach out too late? With teardrops and weak smiles, You haven't been happy in a while. Straining your voice yet your beat falls silent, Is it despair you feel, is this what you meant? I can't pretend to understand your pain, I can't pretend I feel the same, But I hold myself in low regard, Hoping you'd help me restart.

I've let so many people down in my past, A world upside down hoping each breath was my last. That's a selfish thing to say and I take responsibility. It was my fault your heart felt love and held on tightly. I need to take time to understand myself fully, Because it's unfair to ask so much of those around me. If the day comes where I give myself to another, The least I could do is be the best version of your lover. Six year old words start to hit harder than I realise, My empty words wrapped up neatly in a bundle of lies. I never meant to pull you under and hold you against your will. And for that, I hope you understand I why I must walk away still.

I tell myself I'm paranoid, that I'm just over thinking. I tell myself I'm empty, that I have no distinction. I give everything that I am yet I'm reluctant to trust, I hide nothing as if wearing my heart like so is a must. The better days are outweighed by the paranoia I've held back, Can you tell me, is it really normal to feel like that? When I look forward to your words when they're so far between, When I tear myself apart wondering why you never ask how I've been. I stare blankly forward trying to organise the thoughts in my head, Building the courage to say what I feel then I stutter instead. I suppose my words are of no real value when I hold the conversations, Only turned to in times of need or advice on other relations.

Lifeless jumpstarts to negative intuition, My heartbreak becomes my worlds repetition. Dealt a hand of cards etching a story, Holding a flame and burning the things we'd once be. As the bright glimmers faint from your eyes, The emotion sweeps you over as you fight. Crying out for help as your vision begins to fade, I stutter and stumble begging for ways to stay. Is this the end of an era and the things we once were? Is there no way I can keep fighting and convince myself of her? A helpful wretch at best, I find my words entirely empty, Is there nothing I can say to set your guilt free? No trust to be found, you've been let down from the start. They found excuses for tearing open your heart, Leaving you for dead, as a shell to find meaning. But my words will find you, I will save you from dark dreaming.